On My Underwater & Bubble Theory

Underwater

Context: I'm at a very low point of my life – nothing seems to matter, no one to talk to, don't know what the next move is, I'm free to do anything but don't know what to do.

I came up with this theory while washing the dishes, what if my life is like a person who is under deep water – And he's trying to swim up to the surface but the progress is very slow and he's thinking that nothing is changing.

I've seen somewhere that when we are very deep under the water, swimming too fast to the surface would result a sudden change in pressure which could make us ill and die (the medical term is "decompress sickness", rapid ascending of pressure form nitrogen bubbles inside our body which block blood flow) in order to survive, we have to ascend to the surface slowly. This makes me think that maybe the same thing could be apply to my life and how i turn it around – a quick changing is not authentic and would suffocates me but a slow change wouldn't be noticeable till one certain point in life like when the person finally gets his head out of the water and able to breathe.

Bubble

Underwater or inside a bubble is kinda the same thing under different perspective, they are not exactly the same but overlap somewhere in the middle.

I imagine that I'm an ant-size person inside the bubble and i don't want to live inside this bubble anymore, i want to go out and explore the world, meet more people and have new experience. The only way i could break the bubble so that i could go out and explore the world is to push again it till it finally pops. However, the bubble is tough, there's a resistance when it's being pushed, and the harder i push the more strain which results more resistance. Now, i have to work on myself – train on my muscle so that i could be strong enough to break the bubble, and the most important thing is that i must keep pushing.

Recently, I've been reading "Models" by Mark Manson, the writes that there's a resistance follows every changes in our life – for example when we are about to go to the party for the first time, we feel like don't want to get there in the last minute, now i have 2 choices: to come or not to come. And the thing is that if i decide to get there, the first few minutes i feel like i don't want to stay there but after that moment i would feel like at home, the other is quite the opposite, i feel like a free person when i don't get there, but then i will regret for not coming because i realized how weak and pathetic i was (a pussy for short). I didn't realize that this has been an issue in my life till now, that's why changes are hard, i cannot just change and bend things as i want because there will be a resistance internally. The thing is that i have to keep pushing and work on myself consistently to finally accept the change is the most important part.