On Perfectionist

I tend to make things perfect, I usually think that it's a good thing because if it's not perfect then it's mediocre. That mindset could work for others but for me it's works a bit different. I have "Nice guy syndrome", now come to think of it, i don't like it even more. As a nice guy, i tend to do things that i think would make others like me, getting validated. When i create something, i want to make it perfect instead of making it work. Sometimes, i just want to make something for myself that could work to solve a particular problem but this mindset keeps me do unnecessary things that doesn't solve the problem but bring me far away from my goal. For example, i want to make a website that i could save new english word but i keep thinking how to make it as smooth as possible instead of making the MVP first so that i have something to use in the shortest amount of time and improve it overtime. Then, i eventually gave up after 2 months having nothing.

This perfectionist mindset affect all aspect of my life. There are thoughts, assumptions that if i don't carefully observe, it will become the default settings in my lifestyle. For example, when i have Jiu Jitsu class on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, i thought to myself that the class requires quite high level of cardio so that if i eat before the class 3 hours, it would be perfect, so i schedule the day around that class, i usually work in the coffee shop in the afternoon but now i would stay home these days so that i can eat at 4PM, which is exactly 3 hours before the class, in these evening, i wouldn't dare to go out and do what i want to do but stay at home and suffer in loneliness and i come to the class at 7PM in a bad mood because i stayed bored at home for so long. It doesn't have to be that way, don't take it so serious, it's just like going to the gym, do not eat too much before going to the class. Recently, i was like "Fuck it, i will eat at around 5:30 PM, around 1 hour before the class is fine, i will go out in the afternoon and do whatever the fuck i want, if I'm physically tired or don't feel well or have something more important to do, i won't go to the class", basically i don't try and follow the perfect schedule just to make perfect, after following through all of that, i threw up the day and felt like shit at the end of the day.

Here's another example, when i clean the house, i spend 8 hours cleaning it. I want every to be clean all at once, that's okay but how stupid it is, i could split it to multiple session and clean part of the hour in each. I try to make perfect things for my ex then couldn't outperform it the next time, that also raise the standard, now if i have little time, i cannot reach it. Fuck, i will have to go back here more than one time.